Our resident American Swans fan JACOB CRISTOBAL has jotted down the rules to the drinking game (with a few extras chucked in by me) for your enjoyment. So, when Auntie Maude suggests a fun game to play this Christmas, turn on the TV, open your tipple of choice and hope Jonjo Shelvey is starting the match!
By Jacob Cristobal
What's one thing we've learned so far this season? As well as needing a healthy Michu and Bony, and doing whatever it takes to keep Michael Laudrup our manager, it's that whenever Jonjo Shelvey is on the pitch you know you are in for an experience.
|I AM SHELVEY!|
I'll say this: an eight-hour time difference usually means that if I want to watch Swansea City matches live, it is in the morning. And it's a good thing they come in the morning when I'm sleep-deprived and drinking is very far from my mind, because when Jonjo's on the pitch, you'll damn well want to drink!
I've now realised that you will have more than enough scenarios within 90 minutes to create a drinking game based on his antics. So here are the official rules to The Jonjo Shelvey Drinking Game!
Remember, follow these rules at your own peril. I, nor ForzaSwansea.com, bear any responsibility for what happens. Besides, you Jacks are already a drunken lot by the time the ball is kicked - right? So, take another drink if:
- Jonjo influences play so that it results in the ball in the back of a net (that's one drink if it's the opponent's net, two if it's Swansea City's).
- Jonjo gets away with a foul that would normally warrant a booking (one drink if the commentators say it was worthy of a yellow, two if it was worthy of a red, and three if it was an arrestable offence).
- Jonjo scores a legitimate goal. (Typically this comes after the previous two conditions happen first: (i.e. in the Newcastle game).
- Jonjo gives the ball away in the Swans half in the 96th minute and it results in an equalising goal for the opposition.
Down your drink if:
- Jonjo makes a hand gesture that is considered a declaration of war in another part of the world.
- Jonjo scores an overhead kick from the Swans box in the 97th minute - reclaiming the lead and winning the game.
- Jonjo nuts the referee.
COMING NEXT WEEK - The Dwight Tiendalli Hangover Cure (...not really).